I Fought The IRS and The IRS Won

Before you get too excited it wasn’t really that dramatic. When a company or individual has a semi truck (my work does), once a year you have to pay a Federal Highway Tax. Yo are probably wondering why I would blog about this…well I never thought it would be something either until I was tasked with going to the IRS office and dropping off payment for said tax.

My adventure and I mean adventure began just before noon on this past Friday. The IRS office in Toledo is located on the 2nd floor of 4 Seagate… the parking garage is beneath the building. I walking into the office and the armed security officer as me my business. This I thought was probably normal except when I told him I was here to drop off this payment,  he fired back in a cocky tone well what is it…now I really didn’t know what it was…I was just dropping it off (I knew it was a tax for the company’s truck…but I didn’t really know) he then got even cockier… cash or check payment? because we only take non-cash payments.  For the moment I was about to ask “Barney” to speak with “Andy” to get this situation resolved…but I played on. he finally handed me a ticket and instructed me to take a seat and then demanded me to turn my cell phone “OFF” not on vibrate or silent “Completely OFF”. Now I’m not sure what kind of aircraft electronics the IRS office has going on that my cell phone would interfere with but I didn’t fully comply (I just put it on silent). Once I had taken my seat in a room of about 6 people or so, a few of them started talking and then immediately were scolded by “Barney” to be quiet…people are working here. I thought to myself this IRS work must be some pretty crazy shit…it must be so important that the mere sound of a conversation could interrupt the whole 2 people working in the office. So 20 minutes go by and “Barney” announces that it is lunch time and we would all have to vacate the office and come back at 1:15…. Apparently the IRS shuts down for lunch and that’s it (I was thinking he could have just told me to come back after lunch when I got there).

Jump ahead to 1:15 I get back to the office to find a line and a locked door…apparently they were late getting back (the IRS). Finally at 1:30 the doors open. It begins again…take a ticket sit down and shut up…turn your cell phones off not just on vibrate. There’s no playing of games or anything like that. I figured it out….once at the IRS you lose all your rights! Anyway I take my ticket and once again I do not fully comply with “Barney’s” request of turning my cell phone off. He also announces to the 6 people still waiting that they are short-staffed today and it may take a while to be seen. A lady in waiting there with me said to him “you’re always short-staffed”. After talking with her I find out she has to come there once a month to pay back taxes….lucky her. So 2 hrs go by and they have only seen 1 person so far….a man waiting starts to lose his mind. He goes up to “Barney” and asks “how much longer is going to take”?  “I’ve been waiting since 8:30 this morning” (I thought to myself…shit!) Well “Barney” didn’t react to this man’s intolerant behavior 🙂 too well. He kicked him out!

After this entertaining event, the group of 5 left began to laugh a little…because getting pissed off by now was not an option 🙂 Once again we were scolded for talking and said he was going to kick all of us out of here if we kept getting out of hand….really. At that point I was really hoping the “Andy” hadn’t given him his one “bullet”. Long story short it was now almost 4:00…a lady came out of her cubical and announced that she wouldn’t have time to see anyone else…she only had seen 1 since I got there. We would all have to return tomorrow morning at 8:30. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing….people were losing their minds…as “Barney’s” hand on his gun in the tactical position…just kidding but almost. People heading to the door were voicing their complaints a loud (I thought..well nothing can get done now with all this anarchy). I reached into my pocket to take my cell phone off of silent…then it happened..they IRS lady appeared from behind her cubical once again and announced she had time for one more…I looked around and everyone b=had left but me and “Barney”. So I headed back and handed her my paperwork. She took it and stamped it and I was on my way. Really…I spent 4 hrs waiting to hand a check and piece of paper to her. I was a little more than pissed but I kept it to myself…the thought of having to wrestle “Barney” to the ground before he could draw his weapon and shoot me…didn’t really sit well with my planned vacation once I left the IRS office.

One would think that my adventure was to end here…WRONG! I made my way back to my vehicle and proceeded to the pay booth in the parking garage. I’ve traveled the world and have parked in the many of parking garages…something was to happen in the very next moment that I never would have thought possible. I handed the attendant my ticket and my credit card (I had no cash…Dani had taken my last $20 earlier that morning). the attended handed it back stating cash or check. I thought cash or check…no credit card…what kind of parking garage doesn’t take credit card….What business this day and age doesn’t take credit card…I could see if we were in a small town but this was Toledo, Ohio. Then I thought to myself…wtf..”Check”???? who the fuck takes a check these days…I told him he would be out of luck since I had no cash on my to pay the $4.85 toll. He then handed me a form to fill out for credit. I could not wait for a beer at this moment…the cars piling up behind me beeping their horns. I finally made it out of the parking garage, but not before I had to sign my life away and agree to send payment in within the next 5 days.

So they next time you draw the short straw at the office and agree to go on some menial errand…think for a moment how your day might play out. Then try to come up with some excuse to get out of it 🙂


By Tim

3 comments on “I Fought The IRS and The IRS Won

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