Ask Me About My Weiner Too

I know, call me what you will….Call it commercialism, sellout, what ever… I used the same title. I figured what the hell…isn’t the goal of a blog writer to have as many people read your Blog as you can??? Well with that said, my Blog had hundreds of clicks with that title 🙂 All is not lost, aside from me admitting that Anthony Weiner is a douche, this Blog will be devoted not to the Wiener of Weiner’s but to the Delectable All-American Summertime grilling perfection that is a Perfect Hot Dog!

To obtain the “Perfect Hot Dog” you would have to have the knowledge first of what it takes to know what the “Perfect Hot Dog is”. I can tell you that along with the vast knowledge of useless shit floating around my head, I posses such a knowledge. Now I’m sure you are asking yourself how in the world does Tim posses such a knowledge and what makes him think he alone has this such “gift”? Well aside from just filling a couple extra lines in this blog and getting a good laugh while doing so, I will explain. You see, as most of you who know (or may not know), I am a salesman by trade. Not only am I a salesman but I have for many years sold “Food”. I will tell you a little secret about selling food from a broad line food distributor….I sold the best food you can buy….and the worst. That’s the benefit of such a distributor. In doing so, I’ve learned what makes food Good quality and what make it poor quality…

Okay, back to the story…Hot Dogs are by nature the leftover of the meat world. I won’t get into what’s in a Hot Dog (at the very least it SHOULD be actually something you want to eat), but lets say…you buy the “store brand Hot Dog”  (or some well know name brands), you put it on the grill and it burns black and shrinks all up and gets miss-shaped. My question is…do you think it’s supposed to do that? If you answer “Yes” well then don’t read any further, just close this page and don’t ask me over for a cook out 🙂 For those of you who answered “NO”…. READ ON!!!! You are Correct….much like a hamburger, if it shrinks all up and gets mis-shaped, it’s full of fillers and fat and whatever else the manufacturer wanted to put inside of it to produce the lowest cost and cheapest quality Hot Dog there is. If you ever want to learn the difference first hand, go to the store and purchase the cheapest hot dog they sell and then purchase the most expensive one they sell and grill side by side…you’ll get an education. You see, in the food world…there’s not really such a thing as a sale. In the “Food World” you get what you pay for. A Good quality Hot Dog should be free from fillers….(fillers that are used in Hot Dogs are this…cereal, flower, wheat gum, meat fat, beans, other internal organs etc) (I know I said I wasn’t going to get into what was in a hot dog but I could really explain if I didn’t). Now reading that…do you really want that “Bargin Hot Dog”…I hope not! Now before you get too excited, all hot dogs have “other ingredients” in them, that’s what makes up a hot dog. The question is….where does it fall on the label. In the front=BAD towards the end=GOOD.  In my experience, the difference between a “Perfect Hot Dog” and a “Piece of Shit Hot Dog” is less than what you can find in the floorboards of your car…that’s a god-damned Truth Teller right there!

Should you decide that from now on you’re not going to skimp on these delectable All-American Summertime Treats…then I will share this little treat with you. Here is a list of Approved Hot Dogs that make it onto the “Tim’s Perfect Hot Dog List” (in order of preference of course) These Hot Dogs contain no or very little fillers;

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Hebrew National

Oscar Meyer (Food Service Brand…sorry leaves out most stores)

Bests Kosher

There are some…other brands but for the most part..we’re done here

(if you think Ball Park is a “Perfect Hot Dog”…don’t ever talk to me again…Please)

I’m sorry if you don’t see your favorite Hot Dog on this list, but much the same that you would expect me to know how to perform brain surgery, I wouldn’t expect you to know what the “Perfect Hot Dog” is 🙂 Good Luck, Good Shopping and Good Grilling!


By Tim

3 comments on “Ask Me About My Weiner Too

  1. I haven’t eaten a hot dog in…I’m gonna say probably 2 years. So I can’t comment on the ranking of hot dogs, but I can say I don’t think I’ve ever tried any of your favorites. Maybe someday when I grow up and have a grill, I’ll do that.


  2. Pingback: I Always Wanted To Live On A Boat « Thoughts From The Tragically Flawed Mind Of Tim

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