A Story of self discovery, regret and remorse. My first thought was not to publish this, rather hide it away…lock it away. But much like an alcoholic faces his sins, I too must face mine.
The names have been changed to protect the Guilty, namely me.
Hi my name is uuhh…. Eric. Let me start by saying I’ve never set out to intentionally hurt someone but I know it has happened along the way. I know this because I’ve been on the other side myself. For all these things I’ve done and will do, I apologize. This Blog will not be about you or anyone that you will know and happened mostly while I was in the Marine Corps in a land far far away. I would hope that you do not think differently of me when you are finished…I am neither proud or happy about what you are to read.
I offer my apologies.
I’m sorry to; Lisa, Sammy, Christy, Lorna, Cassie, Lori, Kelly, Tammy, Candi (with an “I” as she called herself) (that one I didn’t change), Cindy and the two girls in Palm Springs (I don’t think I ever got your names). I know I missed a few and I apologize…twice. The funny thing here is (if you know me), all these girls were Blonde. Not that I really set out to choose the color of the hair in which I was/I’m attracted to, but most of the girls I’ve dated in my life were Brunette (some self discovery there). Not that I’m not attracted to Blondes…I am! I love you! Anyway, I’m sorry for the things I’ve said or didn’t say, the things I’ve done or didn’t do. It was long ago and I was (still am to some extent) a Man Child. I’m sorry that while we were together, be it brief or even shorter that I didn’t treat you like the person you were…are.
You said that you like the bad boy that I was. I would bet though that you were not as committed as I was to that process. You see that being a young Marine stationed in Southern California (and in probably the best physical and mental (some would say cocky) shape of your life…and most others) you instinctively develop an attitude that is alarmingly without remorse. To give you an idea of what this would be like…Try giving your child (or a child) an unlimited supply of cash and turning him/her lose in/on a Candi (with an “I”) Store (pun…intended). This might give you a glimpse into the bad that I once was. Now you know why I write this Blog. When I started out to write these tragic thoughts down, it was to be a satirical look back on my dating life. Something that I thought would be amusing. What I found is that I am disgusted at the person I once was. I hope that I have come along way from that person. Some of you readying this I know may not agree and I’m sure I have work to do.
To say that I am sorry would be an understatement and unfortunately I cannot take these things back. I can only say this….to all you women out there who want that “Bad Boy” be careful of the things you wish for. You might just run into the 80’s version of me. I didn’t break the law (that often). What I broke more than anything though was a trust, a heart, the honor of knowing you for a moment in time. I will and have made this promise to you and I will continue to live by this creed. The day that I become fortunate enough to earn that trust, that honor of a heart again, I will proceed with respect, honor and love. These things that I did not possess in a time when I didn’t know the meaning (nor did I care) of them.
For all of you who have fallen victim. If it’s any consolation, “karma” has really bit me in the ass lately!
For all these things I am truly sorry.